Same Struggles, Different Day? Here’s Why You’re Stuck in a Pattern

Have you ever found yourself saying, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

Perhaps it's the same kind of relationship dynamic, the same reaction to stress, or the same self-sabotage when things start going well. If so, you’re not alone. Many people I meet in my therapy room are grappling with one underlying theme: feeling stuck in a pattern.

What Does It Mean to Be "Stuck in a Pattern"?

Being stuck in a pattern means repeating thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that no longer serve you — sometimes for years — even when you consciously want things to change. It could show up as:

• Choosing emotionally unavailable partners again and again

• Reacting with anger when feeling unheard, despite wanting calm conversations

• Procrastinating before every important opportunity

• Self-criticism that resurfaces every time you aim for something bigger

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These patterns often feel like emotional déjà vu. The scenery changes (new job, new partner, new city), but the emotional experience remains eerily familiar.

Why Do We Get Stuck?

Let’s go deeper. Patterns are not random; they are emotional survival codes that our mind and body once adopted to cope. They often have roots in:

• Early Life Experiences: Childhood interactions shape our emotional blueprint. For example, if love was conditional growing up, we might unconsciously choose relationships where we have to "earn" affection.

  
  

• Unprocessed Emotions: Feelings like grief, shame, or fear, when not fully felt and processed, get stored in the body and continue to influence our reactions.

  
  

• Neural Pathways: Our brain forms strong pathways with repetition. If you’ve always responded to criticism with withdrawal, this becomes your default wiring.

  
  

• Core Beliefs: Deep-seated beliefs like “I am not good enough” or “I must please others to be safe” quietly dictate our choices and reactions.

Signs You're Stuck in an Emotional Pattern:

• You feel trapped, even when circumstances change.

• Your reactions feel automatic and hard to control.

• You experience a mix of frustration and helplessness.

• You intellectually understand the problem but emotionally can’t shift it.

The Good News? Patterns Can Change!